Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes

Change is both good and tough.  My work for example, is full of change; each new event I coordinate is just that, NEW!  Changes every single time and I love it!  I want new challenges and adventures...ever changing experiences.   That is "work Chrissi".  Let's talk about "non-work Chrissi", perhaps we could even call her "real Chrissi".  Real Chrissi, she hates change. Why is Chrissi talking in third person?   Large shifts in the way my life is "supposed" to go can really throw me off mentally, emotionally and sometimes even physically.  If we have plans, I keep them.  Changing them will make me feel off balance.  It's strange I know; to want change and excitement but then to allow change to knock me into a new state of crazy is, well, stupid.

Anyways.  On to the changes.  Or really change.  One.  Many of my readers know this news already, but some may not....  My sister is moving to Austin, TX.  I realize you may be thinking, how is your sister moving really going to change your life? To that I would quickly answer: drastically.  You can hop over to her blog to read all of her updates and changes but I wanted to document it here too.  Our lives are about to change in a big way!  I am nervous, but I am excited for her!  This is a huge opportunity and I am so proud to watch her (and her hubs) trust in God's plan for their lives!  It's hard to say anything bad about it, really, because it is so wonderful!  However {gulp}, it's going to be one of the hardest things I have had to do...  Go to Texas in a few weeks, help them unload the boxes and get settled, and then get in the car and drive back home.  Back to Georgia.  Without them.

{excuse me while I go grab some more tissues}

Where were we?  Oh yes...change.

I am learning more and more this year that change is really a chance to cling to Jesus and renew your faith in His plan.  Being a momma is nothing short of fabulous, but it brings with it a LOT of change.  Schedule (big one for me!), money, friendships, marriage; it changes them all!   Walking by faith is the only way I will make it through!  I know God has a beautiful plan written out (hello, Romans 8:28), but it's not my plan.  It is HIS plan.  Just like this move with my sister; it's not mine (I would live with her forever in the same house if I could! Our husbands would die.); He planned it!  So my prayer for this new change is that our family would see it all as a blessing to be a part of God's work, and that we would be humbled he chose our sister/daughter/aunt/friend to walk in His will and bring more glory to Him.  It will be hard, we will cry and cry and cry and cry and cry, but we have phones, we have internet, we have week-long vacations to hang out, and on top of it all, we have a bond that miles can't separate.

Do you live away from family?  How do you do it?!

Make it a great day friends, and choose to trust in God's great plan!

Dear 15-year-old Chrissi

Today is my 30th birthday.  The big 3-0, what a milestone!  In honor of this occasion, I have written a letter to myself, at the age of 15.  If only I had known what I know now...

Dear 15-year-old Chrissi,

Sweet girl, as I sit here today on your 30^th birthday, there is so much I want to share.  So much I have learned over the last 15 years that I wish you would know.  Although I wouldn’t go back and change any of it, because it shaped who I am today, there are things which could have made life easier, and certainly saved some heartache.  

For starters, being popular doesn’t really matter.  Sure, it’s nice to be liked, but what is more important is how you treat people.  That girl in your math class with no friends, she needs you to sit with her at lunch more than you need to be at the cool table.  Go out of your way to be kind to others and show them the love God calls you to.  It may be hard to believe me now, but the “cool kids” don’t always stay the cool kids, and what is really important is how you treat the people who aren’t seemingly “cool”. 

Don’t stress over prom so much.  Enjoy yourself.  Have fun with your girlfriends and don’t worry about the boy who asks (or doesn’t ask) you.   Even though he may be wonderful, unless you’re like a few select friends, your prom date isn’t going make any bit of difference in your life.  Relax.  Dance the night away.  Have fun!

You’re making a lot of money babysitting…Save. It.   You don’t have to spend it all just because you have it.  Life is expensive as an adult, and you will wish you kept your savings account as a savings account and had more money when you get out of college. 

Your sisters are amazing.  Seriously, like the best friends you could ever imagine.  Stop picking on them, let them borrow whatever clothes they want, and good grief don’t kick them out of the car on the way to school.  These two will be your best girlfriends and you will regret how you treated them.  Enjoy every moment you have together, because when you grow up, you don’t get to live in the same house and share two or three meals together each day.  Savor this time. 

You may think right now that not having your first kiss when you turn 15 is the end of the world.  Trust me, it isn’t.  Save that kiss for someone who really matters, not a boy with whom you’ve “gone out” for three weeks.  You will barely remember his name in a few years; he does not matter, you matter.  Value yourself. 

You have no idea what love really is.  Sure, you know love from your parents, family and friends, but what you think is “love” between you and the guy you’ll soon be in a relationship with, is not.  Save your heart, don’t fall so fast, and like I said earlier, value yourself.  You are worth waiting for, worth fighting for and worth more than some boys will make you feel.  You are so special, and you need to remember that you matter.  You will meet your husband in about 10 years, and he will look nothing like you imagined.  He will love you like you never could have thought possible, and you will build a family more perfect that your wildest dreams could have planned.  Stop trying to write your own story and wait for the perfect one God is writing for you.    

Those parents who you think are “driving you nuts” right now are the best two people you could possibly know.  They are wiser and more thoughtful than you give them credit for.   These two are sacrificing a lot to make sure you have what you need, when you need it.  Hug them.  Thank them.  Show them respect.  Remember they are always, always, making decisions to better your life and not make it worse.   In a few years, you will regret the sour looks you give your mom and the doors you slammed in your dad’s face.  You really don’t need to listen to your music so loud (as dad says), and you should behave (just as mom told you).  You will be repeating Dad’s words of “happiness is a choice, choose happiness” nearly every day of your life.  Don’t roll your eyes.  These two are a gift, and you should value you them more!

Finally, you should remember that no matter what happens, life does get better… Tough times will come.  Tears will fall.  You may feel like the world is going to end, but alas, it will not.  You will smile more than you could hope, your reality will be better than your dreams and your life will be blessed beyond measure.  Take care of yourself and make those who come in contact with you see something different. 

With love,

30-year-old Chrissi   

Why Blog?

It is safe to say I have forgotten how to blog.  No, I have not forgotten how to type out words and add pictures to text.  I have somehow forgotten how to create something that will be a creative outlet for me, and a fun way to document Max and our lives as he grows.  I have forgotten that this blog thing is fun.  I think at times I was doing it for the wrong reasons, and that got to me.  I wanted to be cool, have people read my posts and think I was funny, or creative or that my baby was cute.  He is, but I digress.  Over the last few weeks I have struggled with whether or not I should even continue this blog at all.  I hate to do something halfway, and this blog was being completed just that way...half way.  So, after a bit of internal soul searching, I have decided to come back, if you will.  I need this blog and truthfully miss my blog friends {although I still connect with many via Twitter, Instagram or Facebook}, and I miss documenting this crazy life I love so much.  Will I post everyday?  Doubtful.  Will all my posts be meaningful deep?  Way doubtful.  Will I look forward to sharing what's going on in hopes that it will make at least one person smile, or feel good, or be encouraged?  Absolutely.

A lot has happened since my last post.....

 

My baby is growing fast {but not fast enough according to the docs}...

He has found his toes, and boy are they yummy....

 Max is learning new things every week.  This is such a fun stage.  He is starting to mimic what you do, and sticking his tongue out seems to be a new favorite.  He is now eating rice cereal and should start veggies this weekend.  Crazy.  Where has time gone?  

Spring sprung.  Which, by Georgia's standards, meant summer was here fast, and it's hot and humid already...

I mean how cute is my Max bug in those swim trunks?! Too much.

So, here we go... more pictures to come, more stories to be told.  Welcome back to me :)

Monday musings....and why I can't seem to focus

I can hear the words sweet whisperings of The Bangles singing "Manic Monday" in my head already...and it's not even 9:00am. 

I am not a fan of Mondays.  I do not like saying goodbye to the weekend and putting my "work hat" back on to face the reality that I will be staring into this computer screen for about 45 hours over the next 5 days.  I get lost in a sea of deadlines and meetings, conference calls and emails… and then I remember all of the people who would do anything for a job.  Not a job they love and have dreamt of since childhood.  Nope.  Just a job. 

{insert big ol’ humble pill I will now be choking on swallowing}

Pretty sure it’s time for an attitude adjustment.  Not only do I have a job, I like my job.  I enjoy being around my colleagues and feel blessed to be where I am, which then begs the question, why the unrest on a Monday morning?  

I think it’s pretty simple…I am not choosing happiness. 

I know I have shared this here before, but now is a perfect opportunity to share it again… When we were kids Dad would stand at the bus stop with us every morning and say a simple phrase.  We would moan and groan and mock him, but it stuck to each of us like glue:

Happiness is a choice.  Choose happiness.

There is so much in this life that we can’t control: Monday mornings, traffic, weather, other people’s attitudes… It is so easy to get lost in a sea of circumstances, most of which we can do nothing about.  I know, personally, it’s tough to face the day when all you want to do is stay in bed and cry or sleep or veg out on the sofa drinking red wine eating bonbons thinking about how tough you have it.  Life is tough sometimes, but in the end, we can choose to be happy or miserable. No one can make that choice for us.  

So today, I may be tired and already dreaming of the upcoming weekend, but I am happy right where I am, in hopes that my joy will be contagious with the good people around me.  I hope you’ll join me in choosing happiness today, and always.

“…the joy of the lord is my strength” – Nehemiah 8:10

Make it a great day, friends!

well hello October, and hello honesty.

September came and went in a flash, and I apparently fell off of the blog radar screen as the month flew by. While I have missed blogging and missed catching up with the sweet friends I have made through this blog, I have also become a bit convicted about the tone in my blog and what I am posting.  I realize a lot of blog writers and readers think there is a lot of TMI on blogs, which has always made me a little gun-shy of sharing what is really going on behind the pictures and travel and baking experiences.  That being said, I also realize that blog writers and readers come to the blog world to share their lives and, in many cases, find people experiencing the same hardships or struggles they're going through in an effort to gain knowledge on the problem, or at the very least, a little comfort. 


This last week, I celebrated my one-year anniversary with my AHHHHmazing husband, BL, and was able to look back on this last year with joy and many tears.  Our first year was wonderful, fun, exciting and easily the most devastating year of my life.  Shocking, I know, to read that someone's blissful first year of marriage was also the most devastating, but in continuing the new theme as mentioned above, I want to be honest about our situation. 

Let's rewind to February, shall we.....

We had to say goodbye to one of my favorite men in the whole wide world, my Granddaddy.  It was much harder than I thought it would be, even knowing it was coming for quite some time.  Luckily, BL was a rock, and I could not have asked for better support through this trial.  

March came around, and was one crazy month...here is a portion of a blog post I wrote but was too scared to share for fear people would think it was TMI never published: 

March 14, 2011
I felt suddenly sick, like I am going to lose all contents of my tummy sick. I had been out in California for 6 days already, and my hours were crazy.  I was eating when I could, which meant the salad I just had at 9:00pm from room service was normal.  Work is crazy this time of year so feeling ill was no surprise; feeling this kind of 'ill' was.  Regardless, I brushed it right off and fought until I finally fell asleep sometime after 11:00. The next morning I was up at 3:15am, exhausted, but ready to head home.  Later in the day I was happily home, ready to go to dinner with my hubby but feeling totally sick to my stomach.  Again.  Sweet hubs' meeting ran late so by the time we leave I am totally cranky and need. food. FAST. He took me to my favorite Chinese restaurant and I had my usual slow-cooked chicken & veggies....yumm-o!  I was sick to my stomach for hours, yet famished and scarfing down Chinese food...odd combo, and apparently BL thought so too. As we finished dinner BL said "let's go get a test" .... "you're not acting like yourself and you feel sick and haven't had your period"

On that evening of March 15, BL and I found out we were going to be parents. 

Laughter. Tears. More laughter.  We couldn't believe it! We were beyond thrilled to be bringing a baby into this world! 

Unfortunately, by deductive reasoning or simple lack of any baby bump, you can guess what happened next.... we lost the baby at just over 8 weeks and my world flipped upside down.   

Tears.  Sorrow.  Aching.  Tears. Sobs.  

No one, and I do mean NO ONE, could prepare a woman for the heartache of miscarriage.  Every person is different and every situation is different, but feeling like you've failed at your first assignment as a mother (ie- growing a child in your womb) is devastating, to say the least. 

I would like to write that I bounced right back and was my usual self within weeks, but that would simply be a lie.  Don't get me wrong, I put on a great front, but inside, I was crumbling.  

Over the next couple of months, I slowly regained confidence in myself as a woman.  It took a super supportive husband, loving family, kind friends and a foundation built on our relationship with Jesus Christ to rebuild what the miscarriage destroyed.  Not a day goes by when I don't think about our baby that we'll never meet this side of heaven.  Knowing that I would have been over 8 months preggo right now brings a sting to my heart, but also hope for my future.   

I am continually learning to lean on my relationship with Jesus Christ and find the much needed comfort in Him.  I love Psalms 28:6-7 Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.  My life has been, and continues to be, richly blessed with women who are walking through this crazy life with me and teaching me to trust in God’s unfailing love and plan for my life. 

So where are we today?  Obviously not pregnant.  In fact, we’ve had some other setbacks that I will dive into on another post, on another day.  I could continue this post for. ev. er. [Sandlot, anyone?] but, I will end it here with a big ol’ fat To Be Continued… 

Make it a great day!